Pizza and Red Flags

You won’t believe this (I couldn’t), but the guy was actually Italian! No European man has EVER asked me to pay for anything, especially Mediterranean men. It’s just unthinkable!

I was living in Rome when I met Paulo at some swanky party hosted by a friend. We talked for a while. Later that week, he asked me out. He seemed cool so I said yes. He suggested a fantastic restaurant that made authentic pizza – the way they do in Naples. Being a sucker for Italian pizza, I was on board.

So he picks me up, dressed wonderfully and very handsome. He was taller than I remembered. So far so good! We arrived at the restaurant, were seated and given menus. What happened during the next 5 minutes will make you cringe!

That night I wasn’t in the mood to eat pizza, but the “Scallopini al Limone” made my mouth water. So when the server came back to our table, that is what I ordered. Seconds later Paulo protested and was obviously irritated with me. “Why didn’t you order pizza? You said you wanted pizza!” Yeah, but that was days a go…

Can’t a girl change her mind?

I was shocked that having to spend a few Euros extra set him off. As you can imagine, I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was my red flag radar going off. When we received the check, he asked me to go “Dutch” How appalling! You think I’d be smart enough to cut things short, but no, I wanted to give him a second chance. An Italian man behaving like this was unheard of, I wanted to be proven wrong.

After dinner, he took me to a popular club and at the door, he went ahead of me. The loser paid only for himself then stood there looking at me! Can you believe that? I paid the equivalent of $35 myself. Wouldn’t you have been angry? Visibly, I remained cool and we entered the club.

Once inside, I danced with him once and then went off to enjoy myself. Hey! Why not? After all, I was on a date with myself. Right? Long story short I met another guy there who was such a gentleman. He was my silver lining in this ridiculous story! So it all worked out in the end. You may or may not agree with what I did. Admittedly, it was a bit tacky, but I was not going to spend the next 3 hours dancing with the lazy leech!

Be Courted, Not Shorted

Sorry men, but women should not be paying for anything on the first few dates. It has nothing to do with being a golddigger. As successful, upscale singles – we have money to pay for anything we desire. We liked to be courted and romanced. It is our nature. Unfortunately, some men just don’t get it – especially if you don’t “need” them economically.

A common complaint successful women have is that many of them attract men who are users or lazy. They want business contacts and introductions. They want you to pay for dates they asked you out on. Unfortunately ladies, there are plenty of men who target upscale singles for personal gain.

Do you want to trade in your moocher magnet for magnetic mojo? Never fear! We’ll get those cheapskates running to others who will put up with them.

One of my clients, Melissa (not her real name), is the CEO of a multi-million dollar IT company. She complained that the men she attracted were leeches. They pressured her for work-related favors and expected her to pay for their dates. I told her this was ridiculous, unacceptable and it had to stop immediately!

I gave Melissa 7 of over a dozen strategies to “turn off” her moocher magnet; you will discover 4 of them today. You can start using them today to protect yourself:

Anti-moocher Strategy 1: Be discreet about your work.

This is where most women slip up. The man asks them what they do and they say, “I am the CEO of xyz!” all chirpy and happy… And then they’re surprised when on the second date, he starts asking about a job for his cousin or to be introduced to so and so. Worse yet, he may ask you to go Dutch or even pay for dates.

To avoid the whole thing, just say you work in xyz field. You need not mention you are the CEO or even the name of your company. This doesn’t feel slimy because you are not lying to them.

Anti-moocher Strategy 2: Show up a little earlier for the date.

Pulling up to the valet in your $80,000 luxury sports car is like telling him, “Hey, pretend to fall in love with me so you can use me. Pretty please?” I know it sounds harsh, but that’s what happens quite frequently. Melissa knows this all too well, and you may too.

Men can be opportunists and golddiggers just like women. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. So until you’re sure your new beau likes you – for you, just tone things down. Avoid flashy behavior or comments. Many times it’s subconscious, so pay a little extra attention.

I had a conversation with a woman who said, “It’s not like I attract men with my sparkling personality!” I told her to develop one! I’m serious. She was trying to impress men with her business accomplishments (which puts her in contact with many influential and famous people). It doesn’t take Agatha Christie to figure out why she couldn’t tell if men were asking her out because they liked her or if they were networking for favors.

Anti-moocher Strategy 3: Don’t tell him your last name.

I’m not saying you’ve got to lie, just tell him your first and middle name. If you’re divorced, use your maiden name. I have a client who is in the public eye and she was always attracting men who “wanted something”.

In the age of Google, people can find out just about anything about you online. It’s time to take back a little of your privacy.

Men who are real gentlemen will understand. I have never had a problem with this. In fact, to be totally transparent, men would tell me their full names, the company they owned and invite me to Google them. A few even gave me their home phone numbers. However, for me that’s a bit of a stretch even if you live in a gated community or have a doorman!

Anti-Moocher Strategy 4: Set up a separate email account for dating. Don’t use your company.

A brilliant woman like you doesn’t need me to explain this one for you.

That’s it for today. Even if all you had were these four strategies, it would be enough. A man needs to “fall for the real you” – not your affluence or power.

Unlock Your Success: How to take action today

Start using these strategies immediately. For example, if you’re at a party mixing and mingling, start talking less about your work. Talk more about your interests and ask questions. People will start to bond with you genuinely. The quality of the relationships you start to attract (romantic or not) will increase considerably.

If you’re dating online, set up a generic email account just for dating correspondence. Remember, do not use your full name. As I mentioned, not only does it keep your work private, it is also safer.

Your mojo mentor,

Rhonda

P.S. My posts are not complete without your input… I would love to hear from you. Take a minute to leave a comment below. Do you know upscale singles (friends or colleagues) who may find this useful? Use the Social Network buttons below to spread the love! Thanks in advance.

Are you really the type of woman who wants to manipulate a man into being more attracted to her? How’s that for starting a relationship based on honesty?

Actually playing hard to get sabotages your love life. Although it may initially keep a man wanting more of you, it is actually counterproductive. You see, the masses use this to create mystery and intrigue, keeping a guy off balance and guessing how you really feel and why you’re so busy. It works (temporarily) because men want what they cannot have.

Two Ways It Could Blow Up In Your Face

Let’s say you’re really not busy and are just using the “playing hard to get” to keep his attention. Let’s say he falls for you – truly, madly and deeply and you get into a committed relationship. Great! Right? Not really, especially if you were just faking it and really had nothing to do. Women who do this tend to start being needy because now they want that time to be filled – with dates and attention, by the new boyfriend. He’ll think, “Yikes! She was never this clingy before! Who is this woman?” And the whole web you wove will begin to unravel.

On the other hand, let’s say you aren’t the clingy type, but you enjoy staying home most of the time. This is your true core nature, but you’ve been acting like you were Ms. On-The-Go? Think about this, what if he loves the fact that you seemed active and now you’ve done the Jekyll and Hyde transformation, he’ll become bored with the whole “hermit thing” and wonder who the heck you are and how he got roped into this. What if the YOU he fell in love with is the woman who does things? You risk boring him. Boredom is basically the kiss of death for any relationship. Second, you risk arguments because he’s more of an “on-the-go” guy and you’re a homebody. Not exactly the best of matches!

Either way should be avoided because they are both likely to end with you losing him – for good. Men rarely give second chances to a woman who is too clingy or does the Jekyll and Hyde.

It Not About Playing, But Being

One thing you have, as an entrepreneur is naturally in your favor is the fact that you REALLY are busy and don’t have to ACT. So if you aren’t really that busy, just let him see that. If he’s that kind of guy too, he will understand and love it. If not, then he’s not your type of guy. Save yourself wasted time and heartbreak and BE YOURSELF. I’m not saying you have to be available at his beck and call, but you can also tell the truth, say you’re tired or don’t feel like going out.

Your Turn to Take Action

Great, now you’re going to stop sabotaging your love life. Practice telling the truth about how you’re spending your time with everybody you care about (family and friends). Then it will become second nature when you are chatting with a new guy you’ve met. No, you don’t have to send his assistant your entire agenda for the quarter and be play-by-play transparent about everything you’re doing. Just be honest about the lifestyle you live so you can attract a man who is compatible with it.

OK girlfriend, take a moment to let me know your thoughts – good, bad and even ugly! I want to know you’re there and that I’m adding value to your life. Otherwise this blog is useless. Thanks in advance!

Sending you mojo!

Rhonda

I got to thinking about this last year after reading an article in The Huffington Post.

In case you didn’t know, I lived in Sweden for a few years and was engaged to a Swedish man (don’t ask what happened…I’ll probably get to that in a future post! Hehehe).

Dating men from Sweden, Denmark, Norway and Finland, while observing how my girlfriends were treated by their Swedish husbands, really opened my eyes. I definitely have something to say about it! I’ll tell you my verdict a little later. First I’d like to share an excerpt from the article:

Economist Almudena Sevilla-Sanz from Oxford University set out to see if marriage and cohabiting rates in developed nations were linked to attitudes toward the roles of men and women and views on who is responsible for the housework and childcare.

Sevilla-Sanz, from the university’s Center for Time Use Research, found that women living in countries with the highest proportion of egalitarian men, who were happy to do their share of chores, were more likely to marry or live with a man.

“This study shows that in egalitarian countries there is less social stigma attached to men doing what was traditionally women’s work,” she said in a statement.

“This leads to men in egalitarian societies taking on more of a domestic role so the likelihood of forming a harmonious household becomes greater, resulting in a higher proportion of couples setting up households in these countries.”

The study was based on interviews with 13,500 men and women aged between 20 and 45 from 12 countries which were ranked according to an “egalitarian index” based on questions about gender, housework and children responsibilities.

Norway and Sweden topped the egalitarian index, with Britain in third place, followed by the United States, making their men the most attractive marriage partners for women.

Do I think they are the most attractive marriage partners for women? Yes and no.

What I liked most is that they offered to help out around the house. You never have to ask! They cook, clean and pick up take-a-way or groceries (even daily if you wish) on a regular basis. Although we didn’t live together, I spent A LOT of time with my fiance.

Check this out, not only did he respect and support me in my home-based business (something most women entrepreneurs dream of having, but never get),  he would come back after a very loooong day’s work and say, “Honey, I don’t want you tiring yourself out. Let me cook dinner and wash the dishes tonight.” And boy could he cook! This went on for months. Was he faking it? No way! Trust me, no man can (or would even want to) hold up that facade for MONTHS and MONTHS on end!

Before you rush to buy your plane ticket to Stockholm, here are a few things to keep in mind. This is my opinion, but I always tell it like it is – rough and raw… That’s just me!

Quiet or Boring?

Generally, they can be extremely quiet — the strong silent type (which some foreign women may find boring). My Swede wasn’t like this, but most of my dates were. It drove me crazy!

Can you imagine having to pepper a guy with questions since he would not talk. It’s not like you were in a comfy relationship. I was thinking, “OK. So how in the world are we going to get to know each other?”

Can Equality Be Over-the-Top?

Many don’t know how to be “traditionally” chivalrous. I know this sounds like a contradiction since they love to help out around the house and are very active in taking care of the kids. However, when it comes to things like pulling your chair out, opening doors and other stuff like that, they just don’t know how.

It’s not their fault though, Swedish society and culture has become what I call “equal sex paranoid” that the roles of men and women seem to be trading places. Not good!

Let me give you a glimpse of how extreme things have gotten. A womens rights organization took a ice cream manufacturer to court. Why? Because they were marketing a pink star-shaped popsicle with colorful sprinkles. What was all the fuss about? The activists said the company was targeting girls! I won’t even comment further on that one…

Can A Man Be Too Honest?

Ask any woman out there her top 10 things she wants in a man and be sure that HONESTY is near the top! However, men can be too honest. Here is one of the craziest things I’ve heard on a date:

“I haven’t dated much since my divorce 3 years a go, so could you help me by telling me what I could do better?”

Yikes! I know I teach entrepreneurs and business owners to lead magnetic professional and personal lives, but to ask for advice on a date. To top that one, one man showed me the boutique his ex-wife bought her wedding gown from. I looked at him and said, “Did you REALLY need to share that with me?” He thought there was nothing strange about it. No boundaries whatsoever! No wonder he was single.

There were quite a few TMI (too much information) moments. It was all so entertaining though. Dates are supposed to be fun…or funny (when it’s not exactly a match)!

Don’t let these stories turn you off totally. Like I said, these are my experiences. I strongly believe in “equal opportunity dating”. Since we need extra special men who may not be around the corner or in our cities (or countries), women entrepreneurs should be open to dating outside their race and nationality, if they’re comfortable with it.

My Swede was one-of-a-kind as he didn’t have any of these annoying characteristics. Still itching to know why I didn’t marry him if he was all that great ? Like I said, I’ll probably share this in another post. It’s definitely a topic we all need to talk about more frequently. Meanwhile, if you want his contact information, just write me. Nah! Just kidding

Now it’s your turn to BE HEARD! Do you agree or disagree? Share your comments below!

To your relationship success,

Rhonda

Nothing at all! This goes hand-in-hand with the type of lifestyle most of us worked hard (or work hard) to achieve. I’m sorry, but I’ve been there and done that with the 9-to-5 guys and it just doesn’t work for me!

But just because a guy is well-off or owns a business doesn’t mean he is ideal for entrepreneur women like us.  I once dated a guy who owned several retail stores, but we didn’t see eye-to-eye as far as the type of lifestyle we wanted to live.  Although he hired staff to supervise one of the stores he was running (so he could spend more time with me), he could never “break away” for more than 3 days. Not my idea of freedom!

I need someone who wants to live the freedom lifestyle and can take off and go to Europe for a month. A man who would enjoy cruising to the Caribbean for 8 days (that’s me in Belize, just back from a cruise last week). He totally understands if I have to go on a trip to Asia for a speaking engagement (and won’t get jealous either).

Do you “get” me? So never mind the people who call us golddiggers. As the quote says,

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.
- Dr. Suess

Your mojo accelerator,

Rhonda Cort

P.S. Want my insider secrets to attracting high quality, successful men? CLICK HERE

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