He Asked You to Pay for What?! [7 Ways Upscale Singles Can Avoid Leeches & Users - Part 1]
As an upscale single, don’t you hate it when a man invites you on a date and you end up paying for it? This happened to me one time in my life… Not saying that to brag, just letting you know that I don’t put up with crap more than once. There are over a dozen ways to spot leeches - and even more powerful, avoid them altogether…
Pizza and Red Flags
You won’t believe this (I couldn’t), but the guy was actually Italian! No European man has EVER asked me to pay for anything, especially Mediterranean men. It’s just unthinkable!
I was living in Rome when I met Paulo at some swanky party hosted by a friend. We talked for a while. Later that week, he asked me out. He seemed cool so I said yes. He suggested a fantastic restaurant that made authentic pizza – the way they do in Naples. Being a sucker for Italian pizza, I was on board.
So he picks me up, dressed wonderfully and very handsome. He was taller than I remembered. So far so good! We arrived at the restaurant, were seated and given menus. What happened during the next 5 minutes will make you cringe!
That night I wasn’t in the mood to eat pizza, but the “Scallopini al Limone” made my mouth water. So when the server came back to our table, that is what I ordered. Seconds later Paulo protested and was obviously irritated with me. “Why didn’t you order pizza? You said you wanted pizza!” Yeah, but that was days a go…
Can’t a girl change her mind?
I was shocked that having to spend a few Euros extra set him off. As you can imagine, I had this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. It was my red flag radar going off. When we received the check, he asked me to go “Dutch” How appalling! You think I’d be smart enough to cut things short, but no, I wanted to give him a second chance. An Italian man behaving like this was unheard of, I wanted to be proven wrong.
After dinner, he took me to a popular club and at the door, he went ahead of me. The loser paid only for himself then stood there looking at me! Can you believe that? I paid the equivalent of $35 myself. Wouldn’t you have been angry? Visibly, I remained cool and we entered the club.
Once inside, I danced with him once and then went off to enjoy myself. Hey! Why not? After all, I was on a date with myself. Right? Long story short I met another guy there who was such a gentleman. He was my silver lining in this ridiculous story! So it all worked out in the end. You may or may not agree with what I did. Admittedly, it was a bit tacky, but I was not going to spend the next 3 hours dancing with the lazy leech!
Be Courted, Not Shorted
Sorry men, but women should not be paying for anything on the first few dates. It has nothing to do with being a golddigger. As successful, upscale singles – we have money to pay for anything we desire. We liked to be courted and romanced. It is our nature. Unfortunately, some men just don’t get it – especially if you don’t “need” them economically.
A common complaint successful women have is that many of them attract men who are users or lazy. They want business contacts and introductions. They want you to pay for dates they asked you out on. Unfortunately ladies, there are plenty of men who target upscale singles for personal gain.
Do you want to trade in your moocher magnet for magnetic mojo? Never fear! We’ll get those cheapskates running to others who will put up with them.
One of my clients, Melissa (not her real name), is the CEO of a multi-million dollar IT company. She complained that the men she attracted were leeches. They pressured her for work-related favors and expected her to pay for their dates. I told her this was ridiculous, unacceptable and it had to stop immediately!
I gave Melissa 7 of over a dozen strategies to “turn off” her moocher magnet; you will discover 4 of them today. You can start using them today to protect yourself:
Anti-moocher Strategy 1: Be discreet about your work.
This is where most women slip up. The man asks them what they do and they say, “I am the CEO of xyz!” all chirpy and happy… And then they’re surprised when on the second date, he starts asking about a job for his cousin or to be introduced to so and so. Worse yet, he may ask you to go Dutch or even pay for dates.
To avoid the whole thing, just say you work in xyz field. You need not mention you are the CEO or even the name of your company. This doesn’t feel slimy because you are not lying to them.
Anti-moocher Strategy 2: Show up a little earlier for the date.
Pulling up to the valet in your $80,000 luxury sports car is like telling him, “Hey, pretend to fall in love with me so you can use me. Pretty please?” I know it sounds harsh, but that’s what happens quite frequently. Melissa knows this all too well, and you may too.
Men can be opportunists and golddiggers just like women. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. So until you’re sure your new beau likes you – for you, just tone things down. Avoid flashy behavior or comments. Many times it’s subconscious, so pay a little extra attention.
I had a conversation with a woman who said, “It’s not like I attract men with my sparkling personality!” I told her to develop one! I’m serious. She was trying to impress men with her business accomplishments (which puts her in contact with many influential and famous people). It doesn’t take Agatha Christie to figure out why she couldn’t tell if men were asking her out because they liked her or if they were networking for favors.
Anti-moocher Strategy 3: Don’t tell him your last name.
I’m not saying you’ve got to lie, just tell him your first and middle name. If you’re divorced, use your maiden name. I have a client who is in the public eye and she was always attracting men who “wanted something”.
In the age of Google, people can find out just about anything about you online. It’s time to take back a little of your privacy.
Men who are real gentlemen will understand. I have never had a problem with this. In fact, to be totally transparent, men would tell me their full names, the company they owned and invite me to Google them. A few even gave me their home phone numbers. However, for me that’s a bit of a stretch even if you live in a gated community or have a doorman!
Anti-Moocher Strategy 4: Set up a separate email account for dating. Don’t use your company.
A brilliant woman like you doesn’t need me to explain this one for you.
That’s it for today. Even if all you had were these four strategies, it would be enough. A man needs to “fall for the real you” – not your affluence or power.
Unlock Your Success: How to take action today
Start using these strategies immediately. For example, if you’re at a party mixing and mingling, start talking less about your work. Talk more about your interests and ask questions. People will start to bond with you genuinely. The quality of the relationships you start to attract (romantic or not) will increase considerably.
If you’re dating online, set up a generic email account just for dating correspondence. Remember, do not use your full name. As I mentioned, not only does it keep your work private, it is also safer.
Your mojo mentor,
Rhonda
P.S. My posts are not complete without your input… I would love to hear from you. Take a minute to leave a comment below. Do you know upscale singles (friends or colleagues) who may find this useful? Use the Social Network buttons below to spread the love! Thanks in advance.
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Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I’m a successful woman who makes a great deal of money and dating has become disappointing. I keep attracting men who have no idea how to treat a real woman. Funny thing is that after reading your post, I realize that I have been making ALL the mistakes you listed. Can’t wait to see the second part. Rhonda, thanks for watching out for us!
- Teresa M.
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